"Rockstone ina deh riva bottam noh no' deh sun hot." -Jamaican Proverb

I have began to see things through a different perspective this week. 

I shall try to explain.

Going through school and making the choices to be involved in what I did, I have become heavily results driven. Taught through school how to analyze, think critically, evaluate situations and form definitive conclusions. A concise yet multi-dimensional decision about occurrences, people, and places in life. In other words, words less favorable: I have been taught how to speed read life, and in many cases make snap judgments out of the desire for fast-paced efficiency. The culture of traditional school lies in the degree of functionality of the institution through rankings. Rankings based on complex multi-faceted evaluations. Evaluations through tests. The repeated testing of the students, the push to meet the standard. The pressure to succeed and the negative connotation that surrounds the word failure. A results driven society is formed by a results driven culture and leads to results driven people who in turn perpetuate this cycle. We as a society, are always looking for the right answer. In the SAT, the ACT, the high school exit exam, every test administered from Kindergarten until 12th grade and beyond, is looking for the right answer. When was the last time you took a test, directions reading "circle all the wrong answers." Very infrequently are we searching for the wrong ones answers; realizing that through the process of elimination there will nothing but the right answer left. That is exactly what I have been learning this week. I have been circling the wrong answers, with the hope that one day, not too far from now I will be left with nothing but the golden nugget. A small nugget of truth, a right answer. The answer to a small one-worded question: why?

What I am trying to get at with this quite circuitous insight into the foundations of the education system, is to explore why I am the way that I am. Why is it that after a week of observing Marigold, I thought I had it all figured out? I thought I knew why people did what they did. I thought I knew how I could help, how I could organize this, arrange that, label this, take out that, add this.. and wa-la! FIXED. But I was sorely mistaken. Boy, I have never been so wrong about anything in my life. Because Marigold is not broken. There is absolutely nothing to fix. It is a well-oiled machine. It functions and it functions well. The children are fed and bathed three times a day. And it allows Leish to stick her face in the mud, and then jump in the puddles as hard as she can. And it allows Janeel to rub chalk all over her receding hairline and cheeks without one word from anyone. And it allows Jamaners to tear his mango into pieces in a matter of seconds as the juice flows freely down his face and mysteriously flows against gravity to his forehead. Within the hour there is a collection of mystery objects sticking all over him. These children are cared for. They are loved They don't need me. They don't need us at all. We are just the bar cherry. Just an extra bite of gooey goodness. We make things a little bit easier, in the only way we know to- we just be. We just be who we are and that's all we can do.

This week has been about letting go of my preconceived notions (no matter how many times I thought I lad let go of them already) and seeing things through a different perspective. The perspective of abundance, of compassion, of love, of community, of family, of unity. As I shift my perspective on Marigold, I begin to see things which previously were in blind spots. I begin to see the importance of focusing on every facet that makes up Marigold in addition to the children. I sat myself down and tried to put myself in the shoes of the caregivers.

Initially, I thought I would never get along with these people. Many of their actions regarding the children and disciplining is a tangible symptom of the Jamaican culture. Walking into a situation like Marigold the easy way out is to side with the children. To make it team children versus team caregivers, but this simply is not the case. This week has marked a catalytic shift in the way that Elin and I spend our time at Marigold. A shift shown in taking an active interest in not only the children, but the caregivers. A shift shown through setting aside time each day to talk to people, to ask questions, to try to understand why, understand how, to get background. These caregivers love these children as if they are their own. Many of them joke about their "daughters and sons" in Marigold. They are strong women who have children of their own at home, in addition to the daily worries that comes with living in the places that some of them do. When the barricades went up in Tivoli and Kingston had issued a state of emergency, 3 workers were unable to reach work for that week of guerrilla warfare.

On Thursday, I was working on a project for the schoolroom in the main building when I got called outside by Raymond. The field trip to Dolphin Cove was on Friday, so Ms. Williams decided to braid and bead all the girl's hair and needed Elin and I's help. Before going inside to school, I sat with my legs open under the tree and kids jumped like grasshoppers in and out of my lap. Firs Janeel, then Jamani, then Jahrine, then Raymond.

Finally Akheel sat on my right leg and looked at me. Once another child tried to sit on the other leg he said "dis my tara deh." with the biggest smile I have ever seen. I wanted to melt away into the ground and take him with me.

Bimbola crawled on all fours to me. Muscular dystrophy, what an cruel and unfair disease. Robbing him of his muscles one by one. Subjecting him to painful cuts and bruises on his knees, elbows and arms. He wails and wails when he has lost control of his urinary muscles and wets himself on a daily  basis. He hangs his head low when this happens, but we do the best we can to joke and make him smile while getting him cleaned up. This week, he cried because he had to put his books away. What a special boy. So bright and smart. From our paper mache solar system lesson, he remembered that a) Jupiter was red b) Earth is the only planet with water 3) Uranus is made out of gas d) we orbit around the sun. What a gem. He touches my heart. On Friday at Dolphin Cove, only half the park was wheelchair friendly, so Ms. Williams carried him on her back through the whole trail to see the animals. If that is not love, then I do not know what is..

What a unique week. In addition to shifting our focus, we also acted as interim pre-k teachers for the 1-3 year olds as the older kids were being tested. It stood as a testament to the trust that the teachers have grown to have for us. Putting us in charge of 10+ toddlers for 4 hours! Elin and I had plenty of flexibility with what to fill the time with. We chose arts and crafts, reading circles, and chalk.

We did Tye Dye (or TYE n DYE as the Jamaican's call it). Neither Elin nor I had done it since we were little, so it took a team effort when figuring out how much water and the twisting/folding of the t-shirts. The workers were an immense help, and many even made shirts with the children. The t-shirts were used for the field trip to dolphin cove on Friday, and will be used for the Jamaica Cultural day in August.

Anna left on Monday. It was a sad sad sad really rough day. I never realized how much time I spent with her on a day-to day basis. I would always look forward to 10:30 right after nap time, to come scoop her up out of her crib and illegally feed her banana chips and 100 calorie oreo snacks. Even though she is gone, I see her face every day. Not only in my mind, but this gorgeous photo (compliments to Elizabeth, taken the Sunday before she left) is my new desktop background. I hope I'll get to see her again someday, I know she is living abroad with her adoptive family. I couldn't of asked for more. Because if they didn't take her, I would of been begging mama mull to take in another rascal.

SALSA. is so much fun! On Thursday, Elin and I took our first Salsa class. 3 hours dancing learning the basic steps to the salsa and the cha-cha. I felt like I had been transported to Barcelona, and I loved every second of it. By the end of this journey, Elin and I will be professional diaper changers, baby feeders, cooks, arts and craft connoisseurs and salsa dancers!

Next week, we are losing at least 12 children. They are starting to phase the children out to different homes in Kingston in preparation for the repairs to be made on the roof. Most of the children leaving will be the eldest.. including Raymond, who has been at Marigold since he was in the nursery. The thought of losing 12 children is incredibly intimidating, scary, and sad. I am so attached to these kids. How will I be able to say goodbye? knowing they will be leaving and not coming back. I will jump that hurdle when it comes. I will lean on the workers for support and guidance. They at the end of the day will be there when the children move fluidly in and out. I am so grateful we were able to take them to see iguanas, sharks, dolphins, and to swim in the beach.

On that note, I cannot believe it has been a month since we arrived in Kingston. 4 weeks! What?! When did that happen. Time flies. I thought it would be good to sum up what we have done so far, and what we hope to do in the next month.

MidPOINT!

Over the last four weeks we have:

• Sent diaper solicitation letters to all the major diaper brands
• Reorganized the closet space and created a system that works for organizing the clothes
• Been teaching through arts and crafts
• Created the Hand wall on the back of the school
• Purchased ceiling fans for the nursery room
• Taken a field trip to dolphin cove
• Raised over 1,000 US!
• Thrown a birthday party for the Children

Over the next four weeks we hope to:

• Purchase new playground equipment and large refrigerator
• Solicit the Child Development Agency for a third teacher (pre-k age)
• Put together an arts and craft booklet with easy lessons + crafts using what they already have
• Have a Yardsale, using the donations they have received over the years to make money to pump back into Marigold
• Light the Fire Day: A clean up day in conjunction with the New generations club and Rotaract club of Kingston where crib will be repaired and rooms will be painted
• Partner with a Local Interact Club to volunteer weekly at Marigold over the course of the school year, starting with this summer.
• Staff Appreciation Day/Weeks
• Plant a Garden in conjunction with the children filled with Marigolds, sunflowers, and fruits and vegetables.

Inject love and compassion into the roots of the tree for the leaves to grow.

keep it irie,

tkm

p.s. the Jamaican proverb translated means

If you are in a
sheltered situation,
you don't know what
hardship is.